Vocabulising? - Sorry, I don't speak gibberish!

Once upon a time Ghanaians loved to read. There were actual bookshops that sold books - brand new and "used," instead of chairs and office stationery. There were libraries in schools, and also a large public library that people braved the traffic and noise of Accra Central to get to, just to borrow (or steal) books. There were all sorts of newspapers too, even lotto papers which had very few words; even these we hardly see.


Somewhere along the way, people discovered computers. That in itself wasn't a bad thing. Computers are, after all, a tool...albeit not a largely used one in those days when books were popular. The work was being done by  architects, sound engineers, graphic artists, secretaries, computer programmers (sic) etc  - the play was being done by pretty much everyone else. Then someone decided to include the commercial internet for easier, faster communication (fax/email) and research. It wasn't long before using computers for work became less popular than using them to "browse." 


Browsing. A tricky word. Even in its original application, it connotes nibbling at small leaves and foliage. Somehow this made it most popular to "nibble" at a few pages of nude women/men engaged in various sexual activities. But porn had a strong competitor; Social networking. This term wasn't too popular until relatively recently, but the basic idea - interacting with friends, family and strangers in a virtual environment has been around for several years. The ever-popular "instant messengers" (AIM, Skype, Googletalk, Yahoo/MSN Messenger) etc etc evolved from the "chat room" or "bulletin board" services, which pretty much evolved from your average office or school common room - a loud place where everyone can somehow contribute to a conversation at the same time, and yet (if they prefer) engage each other in private one-on-ones also. Smart idea. An message that another person can see immediately and respond to within seconds. Almost like having a  voice (telephone) conversation and not having to pay for an actual phonecall. 


There was a bit of a problem though. As convenient as it was to chat (even with a stranger), there were constraints with the amount of detail, typing speed, even the connection. It's not very easy to hold a natural flowing conversation when you can't even see or hear the other person. Imagine "walking" into the crowded common room. "Sighting"  some hot babe (the person's username or "handle" often gave an idea of who they might be - something such as hotafricanbabe1984) and trying to "pick her up" (of course the most one could do was arrange for a personal meeting or exchange phone numbers). The conversation could go thus:


*message window suddenly pops up on hotafricanbabe's screen
Hornyguy: Hello there. 
Hotafricanbabe1984: Hello
Hornyguy: What is your name? How old are you? Where do you live? 
*This is important to establish some personal relationship as well as find out if she's too old/young for him and if he has any hope of ever meeting her.
Hotafricanbabe1984: My name is Nana. I am 27 years old. I live in Ghana. How about you? Can I have these same details about yourself?
Hornyguy: Oh that is interesting. I will be travelling to Ghana in two months. My first visit to Africa.
Hornyguy: I am John. I am 29 and I live in Liverpool, England. 
Hornyguy: What is Ghana like?
Hornyguy: Hello? Are you there? 
*He is thinking to himself, "She hasn't replied in almost three minutes! Is she just slow at typing or my details have scared her off?"
Hotafricanbabe: I see. Nice to meet you John  
Hotafricanbabe: Ghana is a very lovely place. You will enjoy it very much.
Hornyguy: Nice to meet you too. 
Hornyguy: Tell me more about yourself. What is your occupation?
*She loses her connection and is signed out of chat. She tries to reconnect
Hornyguy: Hello. Are you there? *He is wondering if he has been too forward and scared her off. Fortunately, he has another window open and is chatting with some other girl who happens to be in England. Of course his African girl doesn't know this.
Hotafricanbabe1984: Hello. Are you still on? My connection is not very good. I got signed out.
Hornyguy: That is alright. I was waiting patiently for you. They say good things come to those who wait. *He wonders how to wink at her, hoping that his lines have somehow made an impact
Hotafricanbabe1984: *giggling like a little girl. Hahaha. What kind of good things are you waiting for?
Hornyguy: All the good things men are looking for. Especially a good woman. *He thinks. Damn. Looks like the other one is also pulling. Maybe I should focus on her instead.
Hornyguy: I am sorry. I will be back shortly.
Hotafricanbabe1984: Ok. I will be waiting too...


Once again, I digress. Let's not get caught too long in that conversation. It may be familiar to some of you. But as you can see, along the way, the fellow was having a bit of a problem with the speed of her responses. The connection itself was unreliable, and it could easily take as many as 45 minutes from the first instant message until "I will be waiting too..."


So some smart people came up with things like internet etiquette (stuff like not typing in capital letters because it means you are SHOUTING!!!!), emoticons (emotion icons - combinations of letters and symbols which, when viewed specially, look like facial expressions. These were also known as "smileys" because the most commonly used ones were these :)/;) - smiling/winking faces) and all sorts of abbreviations and slang terms which made it easier to have a "conversation" because one has to type less. There were no real rules - most of the things are picked up as one goes along. Your virtual colleagues will correct, criticise and even learn from you as you go along. Very soon, you will be flinging lexicon from this Virtual English language like a pro, laughing at those who are now learning the terms and abbreviations. The above conversation could take all of 7 minutes, even with the bad connection, and read a lil' some'n like this:



*message window suddenly pops up on hotafricanbabe's screen
Hornyguy: Hello there. 
Hotafricanbabe1984: Hi
Hornyguy: a/s/l? 
Hotafricanbabe1984: Nana. 27. Ghana. U?
Hornyguy: Oh interesting. I'll b in Ghana in 2 months. 1st visit 2 Africa.
Hornyguy: john. 29. Liverpool, England. 
Hornyguy: Wot's Ghana like?
Hornyguy: Hello? u there? 
*He is thinking to himself, "hasn't replied in almost 1min! She just slow or details scared her off?" Yep! He even thinks in VE {Virtual English}
Hotafricanbabe: I c. Nice 2 meet u John  
Hotafricanbabe: Ghana is lovely. u'll enjoy it very much.
Hornyguy: Nice 2 meet u 2. 
Hornyguy: Tell me more abt urself. What do u do?
*She loses her connection and is signed out of chat. She tries to reconnect
Hornyguy: Hello. u there? *He is wondering if he has been too forward and scared her off. Fortunately, he has another window open and is chatting with some other girl who happens to be in England. Of course his African girl doesn't know this.
Hotafricanbabe1984: Hello. u still on? connection is bad. got signed out.
Hornyguy: That's cool. was waiting patiently for u. They say gd things come 2 those who wait ;)
Hotafricanbabe1984: lol. Wot kinda gd things u waiting 4?
Hornyguy: All the good things men r looking 4. Especially a good woman. ;)
Hornyguy: sorry. brb.
*The other girl is giving him her phone number which he is copying and pasting in his "address book" 
Hotafricanbabe1984: Ok. will b waiting 2...


Half of this conversation is unreadable, and some of it doesn't even follow proper rules of English grammar. The text editor I am using has underlined nearly every single line (not counting the ones with the asterisks that I have used to describe what is going on). Yet, many of you can understand it, even without reading the original one. This is not a bad thing. VE is very helpful when it comes to social written communication in the 21st century. In fact, it has been so helpful that when the GSM mobile operators discovered short messaging services (SMS or Text messaging to us laypersons), people were still able to exchange information despite the limitation of 160 characters (INCLUDING spaces). 


Where I have a problem is the fact that people cannot seem to switch off VE even in verbal communication. Back when I was in secondary school, our teachers complained about our (students as a collective) abominable vocabulary and the eyesore that was our written essays. The problem was big enough to attract attention on national radio; Corporate Ghana was offended at reports and application letters from graduate students; the universities were amazed at undergraduate essays and the secondary schools were ready to ban us from speaking Pidgin English because it was believed that this was the source of the problem. It probably was. In fact, when I recall the self-imposed bans of some of my mates, and the extent to which they struggled to communicate in proper English, I would probably have agreed to the ban had I not been young and full of "portu."


Initially, I found the very thought unlikely and actually amusing: that people would apply the lexical rules of Pidgen (a spoken language) to the written word, especially when the rules are so vague! Pidgin (in Ghanaian secondary schools at least) appears to have a minimum set of rules, although one is allowed to flexibly apply these, and then throw in literal translations of vernacular idioms, like "your eye die" or "how much you chop?" Contrary to what people thought, you could actually make mistakes speaking Pidgin, and your peers will laugh harder than if you made a mistake speaking proper English. But, it is also true that one is allowed to make it up as he (yes, educated women seldom spoke or could even understand Pidgen) goes along. Bottom line, the flexibility of the language meant that even people with a basic vocabulary (lower primary), could still communicate. Unfortunately, this also meant that people with basic vocabulary have no opportunity to improve it, and even worse, do not show their deficiency until it is too late - like having to write an exam or an important letter! 
It was obvious that constantly speaking Pidgen did not in any way help people to write (or for that matter, read) English better. Most of those who were not very good actually got worse.  


Pidgin and VE are both based loosely on the English language, although they are both completely incomprehensible to the uninitiated. Juxtaposed, it is difficult to tell which language is worse. It will be considered as criminal to attempt a corporate presentation speaking Pidgen, just as it is unimaginable to send a memo to the Board of Directors in VE. 
VE is obviously closer to regular English, just that it has even fewer rules than Pidgen. In fact, so few rules that people have resorted to writing words however they feel. Rather than find easier or shorter ways to write, people have decided to look for their own ways to spell words in VE. Perhaps this makes one look cool? I think it makes you look like an illiterate person when you type a sentence such as "2dae was a gud dae bcos jux as I was wondring wot i cn get out of my last 2ghc, i heard sum1 had cm to visit me n brought fud" - if you can't figure out what this means, try and pronounce the words out loud. 

My beef is that VE is a written language. Rules or not, it should be difficult for one to make the sort of mistakes we tend to make in oral English. However, if it is acceptable to spell words however we feel, or even worse, the way we think they sound, do we not risk having a similar problem as we did with Pidgen some years ago? Even worse is the fact that we no longer like to read and people are being exposed to the virtual society (mobile phones and social networks) much earlier. As for the educational standards - let's save that mess for another post. So riddle me this: How likely is it that the people with rudimentary vocabulary will ever improve? 


I will end this with a quote from one of my favourite authors:


IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO READ, YOU DON'T HAVE THE TIME OR THE TOOLS TO WRITE...


Find something interesting in English to read anytime you can help it. Even if it is my blog with these long posts :D 


Bless...